Exclusion From Your Own Care Shouldn’t Be the Norm

Recently, I have seen some social media videos depicting births in which the mothers relay that there was a shoulder dystocia (or insert another type of urgent situation) and that their medical providers handled it without ever telling the birthing mothers what was going on. In these videos, the posters themselves and those in the comments express their gratitude that their medical providers kept them in the dark so they wouldn’t panic. However, this should not be how these types of situations are handled.

First and foremost, when a medical provider takes a situation into their own hands without informing the birthing mother of what is going on, this completely violates the mother’s right to informed consent and bodily autonomy. Instead, the birthing mothers are told what was done to them after the fact, and they think that they should only feel grateful because they and their babies were saved. However, a common result of learning about things done to one’s own body without knowing can result in trauma and feeling like one was treated as an object instead of as a person.

Secondly, what if the medical provider couldn’t resolve the urgent situation before it escalated into a full-blown emergency? Then, the birthing mother, who already has no idea that something is going on, is suddenly blindsided with an even scarier situation that may or may not have a good outcome. Again, this can cause trauma. Instead, birthing mothers should be trusted to handle situations that arise in their own births, even if they are stressful. Even simply asking the birthing mother, “There is an urgent situation currently happening. Do you want me to tell you what’s going on?”, gives the birthing mother a chance to decide how much she wants to know as it’s happening. The birthing mother knows herself and her values best, and she should be given the opportunity to make decisions that align with these values, whether or not that includes being informed of all things currently unfolding. Allowing the birthing mother to give the doctor permission to “do what needs to be done” to resolve the emergency can help a mother to feel like she had some say in an otherwise out-of-control situation.

Thirdly, many people can still read the room and tell that something is going on, even if they are not quite sure what it is. So, if more people start coming into the room, nurses start pushing on her belly, and the partner is pushed out of the way, the birthing mother is again going to feel like an object instead of a person worthy of communication and inclusion. Looking the birthing mother in the eyes and telling her what’s going on can go a long way to making her feel valued and secure through a stressful process. This step is often excluded from the care that birthing mothers receive today.

In these types of urgent and emergent situations, a calm and competent care team is so valuable. I have witnessed medical professionals handle stressful situations with the utmost skill, and I am thankful to them for their expertise and care. Then, when a calm, competent medical provider takes the steps to inform the birthing mother of what is unfolding, their steadying presence, along with the communication, can often make all the difference in how the mother feels afterwards.